Three young people, along with their trusty camera plot to break into Area 51 in hopes of unlocking the secrets surrounding it and extraterrestrial life. Sounds like a good concept right? Too bad the final result is god-awful. The acting is lousy, and the characters are downright dull and annoying which made it all the more uninteresting. For a majority of the movie it’s nothing but a pure stake-out film with occasional scenes of them plotting. When they finally break in the last twenty minutes of the movie, you expect the real goods to happen. Wrong. Literally nothing happens. Sure you get an alien, but you don’t see it and it doesn’t do shit. And the ending was completely laughable as far as the fates of our characters. This could have easily been a good slow burn horror, that is if there was actually something burning in the end.
The Perfect Guy:
After a stressful break-up, a woman meets the guy who seems too good to be true. Everything seems to be going perfect, but she suddenly sees a side of her new man that she deems unsettling. When she breaks off the relationship, she learns that he’s not letting her go that easily. I’ve seen plenty of films like this that are pretty bad, but they are at least enjoyably bad and over-the-top fun. This one however takes every single cliche possible in a stalker thriller and throws it all in one films with horrible dialogue and acting. It doesn’t even have fun with itself, instead it takes itself way too seriously. It also doesn’t help that every single character is unlikable and you don’t give a shit about them.
Woman in Black 2–Angel of Death:
Following some time after the events of the first film, two women bring a group of children to the creepy home in hopes of providing them a new life after being saved from their damaged WWII homes. This is challenged when the Woman in Black returns with more mayhem in store. I’ll start out by saying that I wasn’t a fan of the first film. This sequel is twice as bad. The story and characters are uninteresting, and really serves no further purpose. It features no real intensity or good scares (which the original at least had some of). The lack of a good creepy atmosphere also brought it down. The acting was decent at best. Overall, it was just one huge bore and completely uninteresting.
When a man’s wife and child leave for the weekend, he sees it as an opportunity to relax and unwind, his night is interrupted. Two young women knock on his door asking for help. He eventually learns that these two young women have more devious plans for him. When I first saw the trailer for this, it looked like it could have been a decent horror film with some dark fun thrown in. Despite Keanu Reeves headlining. This is yet another film where nothing happens in the film. Stuff does happen but nothing horrific whatsoever. This screamed Lifetime movie more than horror. The two girls, while decently portrayed by the two actresses, weren’t even threatening, just downright annoying. And Keanu Reeves turns in his worst performance of his career, and possibly one of the worst performances of all time. The character alone is no one worth rooting for, and Reeves doesn’t help matters at all. On top of this the character, as well as one other character are just plain stupid. I expected the ending to be at least satisfying, but again, there was nothing there. Very anti-climactic and uneventful.
A group of young scientists develop strange side-effects after encountering radioactive waste during a teleporting experiment. Now they must adapt into their new abilities and use to them against an ultimate evil. Never in my life have I watched a superhero so damn boring. There is zero fun and zero real action to be had. The characters and acting are dry as hell, and I mean this quite literally when I say nothing happens at all. The villain doesn’t even appear until the last 20 minutes and then there is a very minor action scene (I know I said zero action, but there might as well have been zero action). And with a cast that is normally talented, it’s a shame to see them wasted in such a worthless film and a horrible script.
The Vatican Tapes:
A priest tries to save the soul of a young woman from a satanic force who wants to destroy the world. That’s all this movie is. Predictable as all hell, as far as the concept. But unlike other possession films where it has a lot of the usual jump scares (and often times some decent intensity), this one chooses to be different and just become a dry and boring piece of junk. The ending just ruins it all but giving us a result that is eye-roll worthy. If there is one redeemable aspect it’s Michael Pena, but even he clearly has a hard time trying to work with the material. This film is completely devoid of horror and terror that leaves us with nothing to keep us reeled in.
A young man learns he’s next in line to become an apprentice to fight against an evil witch who has risen from her grave. The concept sounds like a fun fantasy/action story, hell even the trailer didn’t look horrible. Unfortunately the movie itself was. While it has some kind visuals and effects, that’s all there really is to it. There just isn’t enough life in it make it resonate to an audience, any scenes that stand out are the ones with Julianne Moore as the witch (and it’s obvious she’s trying to not sleepwalk throughout the whole thing). I understand that stories like this have to have some kind of build, but in the end it overbuilds itself more than it should, leaving not much fun to be had. With the exception of Moore, the performances aren’t appealing at all, and neither are the characters.
A man returns from the military to the place he calls home. He is then reunited with an old love, but also has been assigned a plucky and carefree watch-dog he becomes smitten with. When I first heard of this film, I became instantly excited. I love the three main cast members (Bradley Cooper, Emma Stone, and Rachel McAdams), as well as the writer/director (Cameron Crowe). I haven’t been this disappointed in a movie in a long time. Had this been a simple rom-com I honestly would have been fine with it. But this is hardly a rom-com. In fact, it doesn’t even know what it is. The script is a mess with so many plotlines going into it you just stop caring all together. Even the cast seem to not know what to do with it and don’t even put it in their best effort. It’s hard to believe that Crowe could come up with something this terrible.
After a young woman discovers she’s the heiress to the throne of a galactic kingdom, she finds herself in danger by others wanting to take over the throne and the kingdom. The cinematography and effects are fantastic, and even Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis aren’t bad in their roles. But the plot is a mess and eventually becomes repetitive and confusing to its very long running time.
When the foul-mouthed teddy bear marries his human wife, they want to start a family. But the plan is cut short when Ted learns that he’s not considered a human being and that his marriage isn’t legal and they cannot bring in a child. Now Ted and his best pal John are on a mission to get Ted legalized. The original Ted was hilarious and a fun bro-comedy with great vocal talent from Seth McFarlane and an equally hilarious performance from Mark Wahlberg. This time however, any real fun and gags that the first film had is gone here. It’s not a simple bromance film any more. Unfortunately it gets way too political with its storyline and it even brings in two major aspects in the first film and re-uses them. On top of this, there is no chemistry between Wahlberg and Amanda Seyfried as the new love interest whatsoever. And at least for me, the laughs were non-existent. Yet another sequel that wasn’t warranted.