10 Worst Films of 2016

1) Recovery

recovery

A girl’s friend disappears while they’re out one night partying. She realizes her friend has her phone, so her brother uses the “find my phone” app to track it down. When they do it takes them to a house that holds a family of maniacs.

The plot of this movie is completely stupid, as are the characters. They do the absolute dumbest things ever and they’re not likable. Add on to that, the acting sucks. There just isn’t anything appealing to this movie at all. It’s boring and uninteresting.

2) Satanic

satanic

A group of teens on their way to Coachella pick up a young woman who has a fascination with the occult. During a seance the girl unleashes an evil that follows the teens afterwards.

Yet another cautionary tale about the evils of picking up a hitchhiker. The film starts out fine, but after they do the seance, that’s when it completely falls off the rails and the plot suddenly goes all over the place. It’s as if they want to add a lot of crazy shit that they forget about the plot. It’s not every remotely scary, it’s frustrating because the sloppy writing doesn’t give any real insight as to what is happening. And the final act is just as frustrating and doesn’t provide any answers whatsoever. Once again the teens are stupid and unlikable, along with the horrible acting. The main girls is the worst of them all who only acts grumpy throughout the whole thing and does nothing but cry whenever anything happens.

3) The Darkness

darkness

After a family takes a trip to the desert, their autistic son brings home some rocks with ruins on them. Of course due to this, they bring home evil.

Think of anything cliche, plot point, and jump scare you can and The Darkness has it. The worst part is, they don’t even try with them. Nothing and nobody tries in this movie. The script is weak and the character are flat. There’s a subplot with the daughter that’s pointless and goes nowhere. Hell they make all types of attempts (pathetic ones at that) to make us feel sorry for the family, but it’s just used as filler to give the family some drama. It makes me wonder why Kevin Bacon and Radha Mitchell decided to even do this mess. Worst ghost/supernatural film I’ve seen in a while if not ever.

4) A Kind of Murder

kind-of-murder

A man who is obsessed with a recent string of murders finds himself accused of murdering  his wife, supposedly to pursue a relationship with his mistress. The suspicions begin to rise as the man begins to believe his own lies, even though he insists he didn’t kill her.

Truthfully, the film has a pretty interesting plot going for it, had an intriguing trailer, and the three well-known leads are a good sell. Unfortunately this movie is super boring and lacks any real thrills or mysteries. No real character development either. The only character and remotely interesting part of the movie is Jessica Biel as the wife who spends most of her screen time in a raging depression and yelling at her husband (played by Patrick Wilson). After her character dies, it goes down hill fast. Biel gives a pretty amusing and over-the-top performance, while Wilson, and up and coming star Hayley Bennett do well with their performances. Sad waste of talent on a very weak script.

5) Mother’s Day

mothers_day

The late Garry Marshall’s last film unfortunately is his worst. It’s another entry in the multi-story holiday themed films. The stories involved could have been something good, but they lacked a major amount of depth, and the excellent cast hardly seem to be trying, or some were even trying too hard. It was just dreadfully unfunny and didn’t serve much of a purpose as well as it could have.

6) The Choice

choice

A veterinarian pursues his beautiful neighbor (despite her rejections and being in a relationship). But despite her refusals, the two development a special connection that leads to tragedy.

Sounds like a messy plot huh? That’s because it is. The story is a mess and there is nothing romantic about it. The actors have zero chemistry, and their performances alone are as awful as the characters. The guy keeps screwing with the girls mind and feelings until she gives into him. Not only this but the pacing of the film and the relationship is a mess. I’m normally a fan of Nicholas Sparks movies, but there is just nothing romantic about this film and the tragedy has no real emotional resonance to it. The only thing I liked about it was Maggie Grace as the lead male’s sister, who actually DID provide a good performance.

7) Office Christmas Party

office

Despite the protests by his boss sister, a man throws an office Christmas party in order to gain a potential client to save the company. Mayhem ensues.

Going by the trailer I figured this would have been a brainless, dumb fun, comedy. Instead I ended up getting bored out of my mind, having no laughs to go by, the humor felt really forced and expected. And none of the characters were likable. The cast seems like they’re having a good time, but it doesn’t affect the film at all.

8) Neighbors 2: Sorority Rising

neighbors-2-poster

The same couple from the first film must once again deal with a group of college students ruining their lives (this time it’s a sorority). Now they have to team up with the lead frat boy from the first film to bring them down.

I wasn’t a fan of the first film. It had it’s funny moments, but overall I didn’t enjoy it very much. This film is just garbage. It tries to be funnier than the first, but instead it tries way too hard in all the wrong ways. They try to use the angle of females being disgusting in order to be funny. And it doesn’t work at all. Not only that but the sorority girls at hand are obnoxious as hell. They’re whiney and think they should get everything because they’re females. They disrespect the couple and continue to be a problem just because they want to have a place to party at. At least the frat boys in the first were a little more realistic at the start respectful. The actors, like the script, try to hard. Especially Chloe Moretz, whom I thought might end up showing a new side of her acting skills. Wrong.

9) Assassin’s Creed

assassins-creed

A man is taken into a facility where he can get into the mind of his ancestor who was a member of a group of assassin’s in order to discover a well-kept and coveted secret.

This is the most boring action movie I’ve seen in my life, and one I fell asleep during at least three times. The most action there is in this film are people merely chasing each other, leaping up and between buildings, and the briefest fist fights. The script is flat with no substance whatsoever, and does a horrible job of really explaining anything about the film’s plot except for the most basic of things. The characters also lack any personality or substance. Michael Fassbender does well with what has in front of him, and the visuals and effects are well-done. That’s as far as anything good goes with this film for me. I would venture to guess that this was only made for the hardcore fans of the game who don’t need everything explained to them. Umm, but what about us non-gamers who are left confused as to what is going on or how the stupid machine works that the guy is hooked up to?

10) The Fifth Wave

5th-wave

A young girl loses her parents after a wave alien attacks. Now she must rescue her brother from a group after being taken by a villainous military group. All the while she is unsure who to trust since the aliens take over humans as hosts.

This film isn’t entirely boring, but it is very uninteresting and feels very empty. The majority of the film is Chloe Moretz once again trying too hard. This time she tries too hard to be dramatic and become an action star (HA!). For as much as she tries too hard, her performance comes off as weak. The only real decent performance in the film is by Maika Monroe as the bad ass chick. There are some decent twists in the final act, but really this needed more action and less people running around with guns and not even really using them, despite a few decent effects as well. Had the film primarily been about the waves of attacks the aliens use, it would have been a much better film. Instead, this is only covered in the first 15 minutes. And instead we get more boring drama and uninteresting characters than we do anything entirely interesting.

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